So it goes...

I was back to see Dr. Pat on Friday. It was a rainy day. Very. Rainy. I took the morning off. I just couldn't handle all the emotions and the feeling of shedding a tear at the slightest thing. PMS? Lack of release of endorphins? Baby boy in HS? Who knows. Probably a combo of it all.

So. Dr. Pat. More light therapy and some ultra sound therapy. Massage/rub/press on my foot. I did not kick him in the face as I almost have the past visits, so that was a WIN. It didn't hurt. Does that mean I am healed???? I don't think so...and I don't think he thinks so either. The swelling is down. But I still have this occasional pain which I can describe as a cramp, but my hesitation in even telling him about it, tells me that the pain isn't a cramp but pain. When they say to listen to your body, listen to your head to. It is usually right. Ugh.

Remember my last post about just wanting to wear matching shoes? 

He asked "what shoes?"  I know he was thinking "she wants to wear her flip flops!" But I didn't; I looked him dead in the eye and said, "my running shoes. Or put my other foot in a boot too cause I am done with this hobbling effect".  "Try it. See how it feels." "Deal. And if doesn't feel good, I will put the boot back on. Promise." "Okay."

So I did. And I went to work. And I would get up to go to the printer, or the bathroom, or the kitchen to get some water. And it was different. Not wearing shoes for 2 weeks on BOTH feet and then wearing them for the first time is, well, difficult. I was still hobbling. I was scared. Truth be told. Scared. Scared I was doing more harm than good. And for what? My mood? My sanity?  I kept it on. I was very careful. I walked very gingerly.  I knew I would be at Nate's football game that night and would most likely be sitting for a good part so keeping the shoes on wouldn't be a big deal. Wrong. I had to take the shoe off as it felt as though my foot was swelling. It wasn't. I still took it off. And when I got back out to the car, I put the boot on and felt better. I. Am. Crazy. 

I wore the boot all weekend too (except when I mowed the grass (SHAME!) and Nate and I had our pictures taken up in Tipp). And I am still wearing the boot today.  And that is okay. It feels better. It's still annoying. But I know I am doing the right thing by wearing it. My foot needs to heal. It HAS to heal. I have 2 BondiBand expos in September. I will be on my feet for long periods of time. 

I know I am not running, or even walking Akron. I'm getting closer to coming to terms with that. It's hard. 

In the meantime, I have some exercises to do... 

a little of this...

Toe grabbing a towel

....some of this crazy stuff...

Toe separators to stretch the metatarsals

 

...stretch the calves...

Slant board. And squatting too!

...and of course...

ICE IT! ELEVATE IT!

...and keep looking like this...

It is what it is. I go back after Labor Day. 

Run. Strong. Match or not.
-t-

Shoes!

*I'm sorry if this post grosses some people out...it is all pictures of my feet, and talking about my feet, and well, my feet.*

There are 2 things I look forward to right at this moment and I am not sure which ranks first, but one can't happen without the other, so I guess they go hand in hand...or foot in foot... dumb joke.

1. Shoes. I cannot wait to get this stupid boot/sandal/orthopedic shoe off my foot.I  cannot wait to wear normal, everyday, MATCHING shoes. This damn black boot/sandal/orthopedic shoe is driving me crazy. I hate it. I am over it. I know it's working and it's keeping my foot "rigid" and not bending so that stress fracture(s) can heal. But it's annoying. It's not fashionable. It's not cute. Cute toes were cute in the beginning and it made me feel a little better about the ugly boot, but again, I am over it. I want matching shoes on again. And don't even suggest I get another black boot/sandal/orthopedic shoe to match my other shoe. One is hard enough to walk in...I can't even imagine what it would be like to walk with one on each foot. Over. It.  

I love these flips. Cute little starfish.

 Yes, I tried on my shoes yesterday. I did not walk or move with a real shoe on the left foot. It didn't really even touch the ground, and if it did, it was lightly and for show only. Point is, I DID NOT WALK. 

My favorite around the house/yard/slipper kind of shoes

  

 

Seriously, do you see how ridiculous I look with one real shoe and one black boot/sandal/orthopedic shoe.  

 Oh, and don't even think for a minute it looks any better with running shoes!

2. Run or Walk. But mostly running. No, it's walking too. I cannot wait until I can run a short distance or walk a long distance. And by long, I mean around the grocery store. To lunch at work. Go shopping. Walk to BFFAE's house or Aly's (both of which are 6 houses in either direction of mine) instead of driving. Oh, and running. OMG. I honestly don't think I have had a good night's sleep since I had to STOP doing any sort of cardio that would put body weight on my foot. You don't realize how much a workout affects your sleep, until you can't do one and you can't sleep. At least not soundly.  I can't wait to start to run, even if it's 4 minute walk, 1 minute RUN. Just to go and feel my heart beat again. To release these endorphins.  I must admit, I put my running shoes on too. 

I wanted to know what it felt like to have 2 running shoes on. I was curious how I would feel emotionally. Concerned that I had lost the "running bug".  Would I still be excited about matching shoes? Would I still want to run?

And the answer was YES! I almost cried. It was relief. I still wanted to run. I got excited about being able to run. And soon I hoped. It felt amazing to have a running shoe on that left foot. I instantly felt lighter. Like all my pain and burdens and worries were gone. 

It's true...

courtesy of Pinterest

...and when you can't run, like I haven't been able to, my head feels all bogged down.  

I. Cannot. Wait. 

 

I am going to be slow as %*@$ , but I don't care. I will be out there. And maybe it will be good to be slow. Maybe it will be good to start fresh and new.  I know my head will be happy to start running again. I have goals. I'm writing them daily. I'm reading them daily.  I'm tired of feeling lazy, and well, tired.

Black flip; matches the black boot/sandal/orthopedic shoe

Hopefully come Friday, I can come out of this one black boot/sandal/orthopedic shoe and wear a matching pair of real shoes. Hopefully come Friday, I won't have to look like this...

And if not, and I am still in this one black boot/sandal/orthopedic shoe, well...I will play dress up and sit with matching shoes on in my living room and keep on keeping on.

 Run. Strong.Look ridiculous.

-t-

 

A few days later...

I was back to the ahhhhhmazing Dr. Pat today for a follow-up with this stress fractured foot of mine. I armed myself with a notebook of questions as I wanted to make sure I got as much information as I could about what a stress fracture is, how long is my recovery, what can, and can't, I do as far as walking and so on...

Questions asked and answered. Some tears shed (he doesn't like crying I found out). A little light (a red light at that) therapy. Nice little foot massage (okay, more like a push/rub/poke/scrape massage, but nonetheless felt good).  Another appointment made in 10 days. 

And how do I feel?

Better. Especially since I was able to lay on the roller table and roll out my back. This boot really makes one walk funny and throws out the hips. I've been aching since last week! 

But more importantly hearing that I may, and a heavy emphasis on may, be able to start running lightly, and by that I mean like walk 4 minutes, run 1 minute, maybe at the end of August.  Is Akron completely out? Maybe not.  But am I going to chance it if it means I could re-injure and not be able to run Space Coast at Thanksgiving?? No. I won't. If I do not have his 100% confidence that I am good, to even walk and run it (with more walk than run), then I won't.  I just won't do it. 

I am permitted to go back to my total body class with the understanding that I am to put no pressure on my foot. So I'm trying to figure out if that would be worth it right now... It's a tough call. Little is better than none, right?  I have still been doing my weights and abs at home in the morning. 

On another front, the boy turned 14 this week! He also had freshman orientation today! 

And got his HS football jersey! STUD!

I talked to my dad tonight and filled him in on what Doc said and he said that it's not worth the re-injury at Akron for Space Coast. He will do another half. So while I'm not saying I will do it, I'm not saying I won't. It's a "wait and see". Either way, I will be there. Either running with them, or cheering them on!  

Oh, and I shall not forget to mention the jesting I have received from my near and dear friends... Oh it's been fun. And I have laughed. A lot. And they continue to park in parking spots so far out you'd think it was Black Friday. But they've succeeded in making me feel "normal".  And I figure I can milk it for one more week and get a scooter to grocery shop! 

Training Lady and her youngest daughter brought me a little pick me up on Saturday. It was such a treat and Reese's card brought the biggest smile to my face! 

The boot may be ugly, but I've got pretty toes! 

Thank you to EVERYONE for the encouraging words on the last post, the texts, and phone calls. It really meant a lot to me and helped me gain perspective of it all. 

 

So keep running friends. I will be back soon enough to join you!

Run. Strong. 

-t-

Part 2: The Results

Guess which part of this picture I am NOT happy about...

It surely isn't the tasty mojito...or the pretty little fire...

Yep, it's the black walking sandal that will be on my foot for 4-6 weeks, but closer to 6 weeks. If not longer. 

The dreaded call came about 1:30 this afternoon. 

Stress fracture thru on the 3rd metatarsal. Another one beginning on the 4th.  And a small one on the 2nd. Or something like that.  I go see Dr. Pat and Dr. Kacey on Wednesday. For some light therapy and a better understanding of why this happened and how I am going to recover. 

Instructions until then: Stay off it. No running. Wear the walking sandal all the time. Ice. Rest. See Drs mid-week. 

I text Speedy-Feet Dee (she's just down the hall in my office). Cry.  I text Boss Lady and Training Lady. Cry. I email BFFAE and Aly. Cry. Text Cristen and Kelly. Cry. Sister and mom. Cry more. And finally get the gumption to text my dad and wonder-woman Deb. And really break down. I'm so devastated. I'm ashamed. I'm mad. 

I have to call Dr. Pat again because I'm not quite sure what I am allowed to do. Can I walk on it? Yes, but only if I have to. Can I mow the grass? No, you really shouldn't do anything strenuous on it. I'm a single mom, I have to go to the grocery store. Can I not grocery shop? If you absolutely have to, but ice it when you get home. And I start crying again. 

Leave work at 4. Get in car and start crying again. Seriously. Drive home, crying and hitting the steering wheel. 

And then it occurs to me, I have friend a that is battling cancer. I have a friend that is having seizures for no reason. I have a friend who lost her healthy and fit  husband at 38 last week. I have friends with much worse problems than this silly stress fracture. And yet I am sitting here crying like it's the worse thing EVER. But to me, in this moment, right here, right now, it is. 

I'm not going to be able to run Akron with my dad. 

There. I said it. 

I am trying to find the silver lining in this... maybe it's prempting something worse that could have happened....maybe I need a break from the "rat race" I put myself thru every summer....maybe... Maybe I should be happy that it wasn't before Myrtle Beach or Mexico...maybe I should be glad it isn't my driving foot...maybe I should be glad it's just a stress fracture and not something much worse. 

I will do everything the doctors tell me to do. And then probably some. 

I just can't get unfit. I will do more crunches and arm exercises. I will do leg lifts on the floor. I will do every exercise known to man that doesn't involve me using my feet?! Is that possible? We shall find out. 

I just won't be running Akron. I have to get this better. I have too much money wrapped up in Space Coast Half Marathon in Florida at Thanksgiving. I guess that's another silver lining...I won't be burnt out at the end of September to keep training until November. 

I welcome any suggestions you may have on how to cope with this. Or if you think of another silver lining. Or if you want to use my Akron bib and get me a STELLAR time, or just to run with my dad. Let me know. 

I will fill ya in on Wednesday's appt in Part 3 next week. 

Until then...

Run. Strong. For t. 

-t-

Here's the deal (part one)

Ever since I got back from Mexico at the beginning of July, I have had this shooting pain on my left foot. The top to be exact. And noticed some swelling and slight discoloration. So I attributed it to a bruise. Maybe too much beach walking? Maybe I dropped something on it, you know like something from the freezer? Maybe it's just a cramp that WON'T. GO. AWAY.  

After a week of this pain, in which I mentioned to Training Lady, I went to see Dr. Pat. The ahhhhhhmazing Dr. Pat   He did some sonar/heat treatment on it. Manipulated it. "Scraped" the metatarsals with that mean tool. Adjusted my hips/back. And told me to rest it, ice it, stretch it, and come back on Friday. What?! No running? I have 6 miles to do! I'm about to start training. I can't let my miles become null NOW!  But fine. So I did. And it felt better. Friday I went back. Some more heat/sonar/manipulations/scraping and was told I could run on Saturday to see how it felt but only do 4 miles. Come back next week but see Dr. Herman as he was leaving on vacation. What?! He can't leave I'm hurting!  He left. 

I ran 3 the next day. It was good. I was more focused on my sock on my right foot. The only reason I did 3 was because I was SERIOUSLY short on time.  But the 3 was ran very consistently and it felt good. And my foot felt fine the next day and so on. 

So I went and saw Dr. Herman the following Friday. More sonar/heat. More scraping. More manipulations. I told her about my miles and how it was good all week. A little pain but not terrible. She said to continue what I was doing (ice/stretch) and come back next week.   

So I did. And it was fine. But I knew I should not still be having any amount of pain and I knew I shouldn't still see swelling. And I knew I shouldn't still see discoloration. And she knew all this too. It was time for imaging. The dreaded confirmation of what I've been thinking and reading and hearing for the last 2 weeks....possible stress fracture.  

[COMMENCE CRYING]. 

Think to self "Akron 1/2 is 8 weeks out. I'm supposed to be running it with my dad for his FIRST 1/2! Running it at a 11 minute mile pace. Finishing in 2:45 MAX.  HUGE PR.  I can't tell my dad. I fear disappointing him more than I fear the stress fracture. I want nothing more than this race with him."

Being the stubborn runner I am, I told her that I was running 8 this weekend (last weekend)  and wouldn't stop running until I got the results of the MRI. She is really so nice. She just shook her head. I'm sure she noted in my file that Dr. Pat can KEEP ME! (wink!)

And so it went. I ran my 8. It didn't really hurt, per se until about 3.5 so I turned around (out and back route) and said that if it felt okay at 7 (cause I had to get back to my car) then I would get the other mile in on the other part of the path. And I did. Up a hill nonetheless! 

I iced it back at the campground a couple of times the rest of the day. And Sunday afternoon. And Sunday night. And Monday at work. And Monday night.  And didn't run Tuesday because I woke up with it throbbing at 430am. So I made the appt for the MRI for Wednesday afternoon. 

Lo and behold I woke up Wednesday with very little pain. Swelling had decreased.  But I wasn't canceling. Speedy-Feet pointed out that "I had rested it the last 4 days. Of course it is going to feel better!"  But better is not GREAT!

So here I sit with my foot in the MRI machine waiting for this scan to be over. Waiting to find out what the rest of my training for Akron will look like....

Dad knows. Dad was very supportive. Very encouraging. Said "Tami, 2:30 is very optimistic. I would be happy to finish in 3.  If you do have a stress fracture then we will do what we can do. My knee could act up in the next 8 weeks and I have to get a shot. Anything could happen. But no matter what, we will cross that finish line together. Hand in hand. And that is all that matters."  The conversation went on about all the injuries wonder-woman Deb has endured in her running lifetime...Coming back from a neck injury 2 years ago, 10 or so weeks out from Akron Marathon and completing it.  

People have injuries all the time. But this was going to be my year for this race!  And it still could be I guess. Just need to wait for the results. And if the outcome is a stress fracture, then I will readjust the training and get myself physically ready somehow (bike, cross train) and cross that finish line with my dad.  And if it's something else, like a "tuma" (said in the best Arnold Schwartzenger voice) then we go from there. BUT if it's not anything but a bruise, then GAME ON! 

Trust me when I say, coming to this decision and mind set has not been an easy task. I have had tears sit on my eyes and I have let those tears fall with a sobbing effect. I have refused to admit defeat and have accepted that what is, is what is. 

This will not define me. It will make me stronger. 

So stay tuned for the MRI results... 

Run. Strong. 

-t- 

Yeah, I know...

I said I would blog more once training officially started, ahem, 2 weeks ago, and I failed. I got a little busy...

Jimmy Buffett concert at Riverbend. 

My niece Kate came to stay with me for a couple of days!

Been getting a certain teenage son ready for this. High school. He's on the freshman football team and has just started 2 a days! What a trooper! 

But I have been working out and running. And with Boss Lady and Training Lady nonetheless! And they've been working me hard! We meet on Tuesday and Thursday at the Rec Center and do our respective runs. I am usually by myself as these two speedy-feet have their awesome pace together. But it's okay! I kinda like running solo. Really gives me time to think.  

After the run (about an hours worth) we head into the Rec for "Bob's Class". Not sure if it has a real name, like "Total Body" or something catchy, but it is a lot of work and targets the whole body...arms, legs, abs, lots of abs, lots of push-ups. It's a really great class for cross-train!   

I did complete a full 8 mile out/back long run. Solo. On the bike path. During a race! That was kinda fun. There was this stick or vine hanging down from the tree ther I noticed on my way back. Kinda scarey too cause it looks like it's going to fall straight down and split me in half, vertically. 

And I saw this sign. Which was pretty cool. And I really wanted to do what it said. 

But I was only 3 miles. I could have turned around and went 5 back but I wasn't even to the bridge and I really like running from one main road to the next (Rt 40 to Old Springfield for my locals). 

And we went camping this weekend for BFFAE's birthday! I surprised her Saturday morning with this cute blow-up outside her camper before we left the campground at 0530 to go home for football practice (and me to run)!  Everybody that came past the site wished her a happy birthday!  It was pretty fun! 

So it has been a very busy couple of weeks. And my workouts haven't been incredibly stellar, but they are workouts. 

What I'm not telling you is the pain/injury I've endured the last 4 weeks. I will save that for a separate post (seriously, already written) because it is what I'm all about and it wouldn't be fair to just throw it in here. It does deserve it's own post. 

So until then... Please keep running strong. For me. 

Run. Strong. 

-t-